Let There be Light

I wish I could have been at work for the SAD light controversy.   I SO miss the everyday drama of the cubicle jungle.

The cast comes off on January 24th.  I hope Doc tells me I can return to work because daytime TV and current events just don't cut it for me.   I need to be back in the trenches with the angry mob, their issues swirling around me.  I need the kind of stimulation that only an office can provide.

The job itself isn't exciting, unless you count the 850,000 smackers  I recovered for the company in one month. (No, I don't get a percentage.I DO get candy.)  Believe it or not, I like to write letters and nag people.  Would I rather write a book?  Absolutely. But where would I get material as good as what I can harvest from my work environment?

There are people who lose their homes to fire. They lose them to banks.  There's people who suffer from terminal illnesses.  There are countries where massacres of whole villages occur so oil companies can drill where they stood. There are young women that still endure genital mutilation.  Animals are suffering unspeakable cruelties.

There are crazies shooting people in schools, army bases, stores, and on the streets. There are laws so lax that they make it easy for the crazies to accomplish these things.
There are floods, earthquakes, mud slides, and devastating diseases all over the world.

But nothing, NOTHING, compares to the horrors visited upon the people at work when some bitch decides to cook FISH in the microwave.

And what kind of a person steals a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a can of Pepsi?  Can you IMAGINE?    When does a person become so evil that they put an empty coffee pot back on the burner without making more coffee?  OH the HUMANITY!

I know you probably can't bear to read further.  You probably believe I've made up these atrocities to somehow sensationalize this blog.  But people need to know what happens within the walls of  the company for which I work.  I feel I must bring these things to light.

You see these people every day.You see them in the grocery store, at the movies, anywhere  people go.  They seem like nice, normal individuals.

But you have no idea.
   
There are people, and I'm not lying about this, who do NOT courtesy flush the toilet when they drop a fowl load.  They don't care what agony they inflict on innocent bystanders.  And they don't wash their hands properly either!!  This act alone can incite lengthy conversation among the more upstanding people in the bathroom. Angry mobs can result from these heinous acts.

Now, apparently, there is a more insidious offender.    There is a SAD light user.  You heard me.  A SAD light user.   These lights were developed for people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.  They become depressed in the winter when sunshine is not  prevalent. Research has found that a few minutes in front of  special lights, a few times a day, can help improve a person's disposition.

SAD lights. HA!   Everyone knows depression isn't a REAL disease... right?  I mean, these people just need to buck up.  Don't they know there are people FAR worse off than them?  Why, there are people who must suffer bad smells and stolen sandwiches!    There are people with real diseases like leprosy, diabetes and cancer!!  Depression?  Puleeeeease.   Don't give me the old "chemical imbalance" crap.  These people just need to get over it.  Maybe they could read some Wayne Dwyer or something.  Just decide to be happy for crissake!

So the grapevine at work has informed me that the SAD light has created total chaos among other cubical citizens.  A whole ROW of them had to ask the maintenance man to remove the overhead lights above their desks so  they can concentrate on their work and  Google searches.   It doesn't matter that the offender  sits several cubicles away. That damned UV light consisting of low emitting diodes from a small paddle-shaped desk lamp for approximately 1/2 hour a day is just too much to expect people to endure.  What decent, civilized person inflicts this kind of cruelty on other human beings?  I ask you!

I am so anxious to get back in to the fray I just can't stand it.   I want to get back to the REAL issues of the day. 

I also think I'll give myself a Down Comforter day, because I'm feeling awfully lucky at the moment, cast and all.