Random Thoughts and Trepidations

So many things in the bean these days. Some of it sits on fluffy comforters and some of it is bare cement, for sure.

Bare cement- the realization that ego feeding frenzies make me have panic attacks. Never happened before. I’m on new meds, so this realization startles and disappoints me. I can’t seem to deal with people talking over each other to impress each other as they scream their accomplishments to the air. Especially when one of them was extremely rude to me and ironically paints “positive affirmations” as her body of work. Another was ignorant in her proclamation that the Tender Loin in San Francisco is “really BAD…like HARLEM.” Such ignorance saddens me. Nice boots, but you haven’t a clue bitch.

Fluffy comforter- People I don’t know very well who seem truly happy to see me. They almost seem…relieved?

Bare cement- I used to tether my political beliefs, but I’m so angry now I fear I’ll be placed on a “crazies” list. I can’t promise I won’t offend any more. There is a class war going on and I’m on the side of the “have nots” in a major way. I’m ready for a revolution, and I don’t even need to be drinking to piss people off. I’m not violent…but my words are stones.

Two sheets- starting to feel more like getting out and mingling…but scared to death of ego frenzies, my class warfare inner warrior, and upcoming social events that involve creativity. I am so much more creative when alone with my imagination than I am with groups of people who create every day and are far more practiced at it. I’ve made excellent things when I work alone.

Bare cement- I miss my kid and it pisses me off. It’s been a year and a half since I’ve seen her.

Two sheets- Seems women are more attracted to me than men are these days.They bite my hands, kiss me, and sit in my lap. But I’m not ready to join that team. Maybe when I’m eighty. I don’t know if 56 is the appropriate age to decide that I’ll only sleep with Tabbies. Is there a rule of thumb? Also- new meds = no orgasms. WHOA. Too much info. Sorry.

One sheet- I haven’t posted anything because I’ve been writing little stories for the paper. But the stories can sit in a file for many months. The paper won’t use them if you print them elsewhere, like on this  blog. So I have to determine when I can print them  here because I THINK they‘ve officially been dismissed. It‘s a guessing game. I don’t want to risk losing a possible hundred bucks. I need to make money. The 2% raise ain’t cuttin it. I’ll never get a new neck at THIS rate.
So there hasn't been much action on the blog.

Bare cement- I wish there wasn’t any fucking war.